In which Wolf explains why your enemies are actually your most useful allies. Watch this episode on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/r96UzEaqlG8
No one likes discovering they’ve been wrong about things. No one loves losing arguments. No one enjoys having to change their minds about a deeply held belief. Well, I do! And you ought to like these things too. Why? Because winning a debate only confirms what you know, but losing gives you opportunity to learn and become better. And there is so much to know, so having life wake you up by telling you you’ve been wrong is a good thing. In fact, if you can’t think of a recent time that you’ve been wrong about something important, I think you’re not trying very hard.
Humans are social animals, and we’re not evolved (or designed, if you prefer) to be completely independent. We rarely accomplish anything of significance alone, and we only truly thrive when we’re interdependent. We rely on other people for many kinds of contributions. And since no one is an island, we must communicate effectively with others: to gain an understanding of their needs, benefit from their experience and wisdom, and negotiate their cooperation.
Often, we are too close to a situation to understand it well; we are embroiled in the situational details and “can’t see the forest for the trees.” When we think we understand a situation well, when we think we already know all the options and the right answers, this is actually when inviting others to evaluate and criticize our plans can be the most valuable. Doing so lets “light and air” into our minds and helps us rid ourselves of ways of thinking that have become stale and unproductive.
Ironically, the most fruitful criticism often comes from people who actively disagree with us. In The Godfather Part II, Michael Corleone says, “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.” Abraham Lincoln, arguably the greatest United States President, is renowned for having chosen prominent members of his cabinet from those who most vehemently opposed his policies. Whether or not we ultimately agree with our critics, they can often teach us a great deal.
The key is to allow our view of the world to change as we learn.